The Day the Duo Fell out of a Tree
by The Con Artist
Summary: Stacy Roberts and Parker Smith only wanted to play pinball and eat ice cream at the MSDF- The Mary Sue Destroyers Foundation- the day before their mission. Plans changed, and now the two are headed off to Hogwarts to destroy some of those insufferable girls and boys of Fanfiction.
1. I: The Arrival

**Hello~! Con here, again, with a new story! It's rated T only for the terribleness of Mary Sue kissing, and the wonderful language from our dear Stacy Roberts and Parker one revolves around Stacy and Parker and their fight against the not-so-newest evil invading Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry: Mary Sues. Enjoy! ~ -.-. - -.**

**...**

They was falling. And it wasn't one of those peaceful fallings, most certainly not. The falling was one of those 'Oh shit, there goes my hair because it keeps getting hit by a frickin' tree branch every five seconds.' It was all the Boss Man's fault, that they were probably going to have to get a new uniform because he decided to put a portal in "The middle of the frickin' sky," as Parker told him, which would just drop them down brutally.

"OW! THAT LIT- OW! THAT LITTLE FU- ARGH!" the male of the duo yelled, getting hit rather hard by tree branches. Sap started to cover his face, and it didn't taste like maple syrup. Nonetheless, he continued to cuss out their Boss for doing this to the two.

**!~FLASHBACK~!**

_"Hey, Stacy, are you ready for your mission?" The Boss Man asked, entering the dark arcade. Games lined the walls and had aisles of arcade machines aswell. He looked around, unable to find the short boy, until he reached the pinball area. And sure enough, Stacy Roberts was slamming his hands on the side of the machine, attempting to stop the ball from getting to the bottom. Next to the boy were two destroyed machines, the glass obviously punched and broken. The Boss Man noticed their was blood on the boy's hand... wonder where that came from._

_"Roberts." he tried to get the boy's attention, but it was focused on the game in front of him. "Hey, Roberts."_

_"Yeah?" he mumbled, not focusing on his superior. If he didn't know that it was his boss, Stacy was more informal then a pirate._

_"STACY ROBERTS YOU LITTLE ASS LISTEN TO ME!" The man shouted, and Stacy immediately let go of the game and stood straight like a board at the loud voice of his boss and mentor. He cringed as the game shouted out the two terrible words- 'You Lost.' _No, _he thought, _a Roberts doesn't lose. They just choose to let the other person win. _Stacy asked hesitantly,_

_"Yes, sir?"_

_"The assignment for you and Mr. Smith got br-"_

_"It's Ms. Smith, sir."_

_"What?"  
_

_"Parker Smith? She's a girl."_

_"Whatever. The assignment for you and **Ms. **Smith, regarding Hogwarts, has been brought for-" his mind wandered, nodding at appropriate times._

_"And so let's go!" That snapped Stacy out of his imagination. Wasn't the assignment tomorrow? When he voiced his question, his boss slapped the back of Stacy's head and told him it was today, and that he should listen more. But... he wasn't packed! Even with his complaints, Boss shoved him into a portal, Parker following soon afterward. When had she gotten there in the first place?_

**~END OF FLASHBACK, STACY STILL YELLING COLORFUL WORDS~**

"Stacy! Shut your mouth, there are first years here, remember?" his teammate called from above, also mumbling colorful words under her breath. As they dropped onto the ground (Stacy kept a string of curses back as the female of the duo fell on him.), they were greeted with the sight of a giant spider. And all the spiders little spider babies. Oh, shit. On that note, they did what any sane person would do, and ran for their life. Not being the fastest runners in the world, Parker and Stacy grabbed a tree branch and pulled themselves up, the latter deciding to kick the stupid thing and yell that it didn't deserve to live.

"All... your... fault... Parker!" Stacy gasped out, catching his breath as they each sat on a tree branch. Parker glared at him and tried to get the smaller branches and leaves out of her hair. "Now the details of the mission, please."

"Did you not pay attention at the meeting?" Parker asked rudely, throwing a leaf at her partner in crime. He shrugged and replied "You didn't either." The girl pulled a scroll out of her boot silently and began to read.

"Dear Mr. Smith and Ms. Roberts,"

"I'm not a girl!" Stacy interrupted. Ignoring the interruption, Parker continued.

"I regret to inform you, but your vacation must be ended rather abruptly as we got a new case to work on. The other teenage agents aren't available, so we throw this assignment to the two of you.

In the world of Fanfiction, we have many Mary Sues... blah blah blah, our job to defeat them... blah blah, ooh! You two will arrive at the gates of Hogwarts School of Withcraft and Wizardry... yeah right, if we were supposed to be there than we are probably in the Forbidden Forest..."

"Better than landing in a shark tank at the America's Got Talent assignment."

"...and it is your job to find as many Mary Sues and Gary Stus as possible. And, like, kill them. You will be brought back when number thirteen is destroyed, unless you owl us that you would like to stay longer and destroy more. Have fun. From, Boss Man. Simple enough. Only thirteen Mary Sues, unless we want to destroy more. Which we don't."

"But, Parker..."

"Yeah?"

"Don't we have to become students at Hogwarts to get there?"

"Screw you, Stacy."

**...**

**Woot! 900 words. A personal best. It might be a while until I figure out how to add a new chapter... ta ta for now! ~Con**


	2. II: The First Sue

**Hello~! I couldn't wait, I really wanted to write this. There is a _bit_ of Dumbledore bashing, sort of. I don't know if it is considered bashing, but just warning you in case it is. Anyways, Chapter Two: The First Sue! I hope you enjoy, and I'll see you at the bottom of the story. ~Con**

...

After getting as many tree branches out of their hair as possible, the duo exited the Forbidden Forest quickly; Both of them did have an irrational fear of spiders, after all. As the two exited the forest, however, an ugly guy with greasy hair pointed a stick- _No, Stacy. It's a wand_- at them. His mouth was stuck forever in a sneer, the complete opposite of the dirty man with the weird mustache standing next to him. The guy with the mustache seemed extremely tired, for some reason. And his hair! Behind the two professors (Stacy assumed they were professors) were a black haired boy and a redheaded girl. Before the two could get a good look at the students, the greasy haired man spoke. Stacy almost gagged at the annoyingness of his voice.

"What are two students doing in the Forbidden Forest? There are dangerous creatures," -at this moment, the man glanced very obviously at the other professor- "lurking."

"My apologies, professor." Stacy spoke up before Parker could make fun of the man. "My sister and I are the new transfer students. We were supposed to come tomorrow, but we got here early and accidently stumbled into the Forbidden Forest." The professor- _Come on, Stacy! You've read the books so many times, what was his name?_- glared at him, apparently trying to find out if it was true or not. The redheaded girl spoke up, and instantly Stacy's Mary Sue radar went off internally.

"Sir, he's telling the truth! I did Legilimency on him, and he's not lying." Parker started to look a bit sick, but they both kept their calm; It was, after all, how they trained. The girl walked forward and stuck her hand out. "Hello, it's nice to meet you two! I'm Arianna Ebony Raven Lily Potter, Harry Potter's long lost sister and a Slytherin! Welcome to Hogwarts!" Parker couldn't help it, she turned around puked. Stacy swallowed loudly, and shook her hand.

"I'm Stacy Roberts, and that's Parker Smith." he replied, and they seemed to magically (Haha. No pun intended.) appear in Dumbledore's office. There, he was standing with the sorting hat, his eyes twinkling like mad ("I hate those eyes," the Boss Man told them once, "Never look into them, he can look into your mind. Those eyes twinkle terribly and are the eyes of a manipulative bastard." For once, Stacy agreed with his boss.).

"Hello! Welcome to Hogwarts! We have to sort you in here, because it's not dinner time yet." he said, terribly out of character. Parker was wiping her mouth when she jumped, startled by the sudden voice of Albus Dumbledore. She wondered if he was a Gary Stu when she read the books, with so many middle names and all; The thought was taken away quickly when he turned out to be a bit insane. And it was destroyed when half of the Wizarding Community hated him. And then he died because he knew he was going to die from a stupid cursed ring. I mean really, what sort of idiot put on a cursed ring, knowing that it was a Horcrux? Then again, he knew it had the Resurrection Stone and he wanted his dead sister back... but still!

"Even though my last name starts with a P, I was sorted last. It took twenty minutes for the sorting hat to sort me, and he said he couldn't sort me, so I chose Slytherin to be near my friend Draco!" Mary (Both Parker and Stacy refused to call her by her 'real' name, so she was just Mary.) spoke suddenly, her 'pearly white smile' reaching her 'glittering blue eyes.'

With Mary's Sue-Powers, Professor McGonagall, for some reason, had to ask the Headmaster a question, and entered the office.

"Ah, Minerva! Just in time, we need to sort these two new students." Bumblewhore told her, and she took the hat and stool automatically. McGonagall turned to the two slayers, who were reciting the alphabet to see which letter came first, R or S. Stacy groaned when he realized R was first, and told his name to the professor, who in turn yelled it in the office. "Roberts, Stacy!" He sat on the stool, thinking of how he was going to kill his parents for his last name, when the voice decided to speak inside his mind.

_Stupid hat._

**Well, that's a bit rude. **The hat spoke in his mind. **But even with that, your loyalty is amazing. Even when you went partially insane, you gave up there being only one of you for your fr-**

'Aye, Roberts! You got a guy in your head!' His doppelganger, Robert Stacys, yelled in his mind; That quickly shut up the hat. 'Want me to get him out?' (1)

_No thanks, Robert. _

**Is he going to interrupt your sorting anymore?**

'Sorting! What sorting, where are we anyways? I sorta fell asleep as you fell down the trees...'

_Hogwarts._

'Ooh! Hogwarts,nice.'

**AS I WAS SAYING, you have a lot of loyalty, and are a hardworking slayer. I'm sorry I couldn't put you in Gryffindor to help you defeat the Sues, but you are the perfect person for...**

"HUFFLEPUFF!" the hat called out. Parker burst into a fit of giggles as he glared daggers at the hat being taken off of his head. Her partner, the slightly psychotic Stacy Roberts was a _Hufflepuff!_

"That's alright," Mary spoke up before Parker was sorted. "I'll still be friends with you, even if we don't have any classes together." The duo could easily see the teachers coming slowly out of her mind control as Mary said normal things, but it didn't last for long. "I can see you after class, because I know where every common room is because Fred and George gave me the Marauders Map! Of course, I passed it on to my brother, Harry Potter, after I memorized it all, because I have an amazing memory. But anyways, I can just transform into my animagus, a black dog, like my godfather's, and meet you guys after class!"

Godfather... Sirius Black? They found out about Sirius being innocent, but Remus is here, so what book was this?

"Excuse me, Mar-um... Arianna, what year are you in?" Stacy asked innocently, most probably thinking the same thing as his partner.

"I'm in my fifth year, like my brother!" she replied cheerfully. Stacy's mind was on full power... _She probably found a way to change the book and not have anyone find out about Lupin. That ruins everything! What about Moody and him being a Death Eater and Umbridge and the terrible lessons! They wouldn't have a DA because Lupin can actually teach! How is this world not destroyed?_

_'_It's a Mary Sue, Stacy. They can do anything.' Robert replied inside his head. Stacy took that into possibility, but continued to think: _If they made Luna and Neville end up together I swear to whatever God there is that-__  
_

McGonagall cleared her throat loudly, and called out the second and final name: "Smith, Parker!" Parker waltzed humorously up to the stool and plopped down, the hat falling halfway down her face. Stacy chuckled at the sight, and wondered if he looked that stupid.

'You always look stupid.' Robert told him, grinning from inside his mind. As soon as he thought it, the hat called out "GRYFFINDOR!" and he saw Parker do an internal cheer.(2) She reached into her pocket, took out a pull-out sword (3) and stabbed it through the Mary Sue. As it fell, Dumbledore tried to hex both of them for killing another student, but a portal opened and they stepped through, waving goodbye. (4)

The portal had led to a hallway, which the two were currently walking down. For some reason, they were in Hogwarts unforms. The two shrugged it off as a Mary-Sue power over the world. Parker grinned as they were halfway down the hall, and stopped suddenly.

"Parker? What happened?" Stacy asked, looking towards his partner.

"One Sue down, twelve to go. Twelve more worlds we save from _them."_ She told him, grinning. Stacy laughed and patted her on the back, and they continued their journey down the hall to the next Sue.

**...**

**Yes! DONE! One Sue down, and I need ideas for the next twelve! This is probably one of the few times I'm going to ask for either a review or a PM, just because I'm not that talented to make them all up. I did have a few numbers, and here are the explanations.**

**1: Robert Stacys was created when Stacy was killed in another fanfiction, but was brought back to life. Stacy died, and a not complete Stacy (Robert) was made. Then a Mary Sue brought him (Stacy) back to life, and Stacy shoved Stacy 2 (Now Robert Stacys) into his mind. (For the Kingdom Hearters: Robert's a Nobody.) I will be bringing things from other books, games, movies, etc. into the story, but not so much that you'd be lost if you haven't seen it. I'll probably add a few inside jokes aswell, and you can see the meanings of them down here... probably.**

**2: Yes, it does show when people do internal cheers. I've seen it before**

**3: It's for emergencies, it's when you see a Mary Sue, it's THE POCKET SWORD!**

**4: Each Fanfiction has a world of its own. The portal takes them to their next world, one which a different Mary Sue has messed up.**

**Yeah... I hope you didn't hate it that much. On the bright side, I passed a thousand words even without the Author's Notes. Ta ta for now! ~Con**


	3. III: The Second Sue

**Hello~! I'm back. AND I GOT A REVIEW! One, but still. I didn't even want any! I didn't think that anyone actually read this, but they do. Thirteen people, and it's stuck. Oops. Oh well, thanks~! So, I don't have much to say expect that I stepped in dog puke. And a bit of a key, just because I switched up the italics and what not.**

_Blarg Blarg Poop: _Robert talking/thinking in Stacy's mind. Remember: Robert is the created twinish person of Stacy,

'Blarg Blarg Poop': Anyone else thinking. It'll say who, idiots.

"Blarg Blarg Poop": Are you stupid? It's anyone else talking.

**"BLARG BLARG POOP!"**: Used very little, but it's annoyed/loud yelling/thoughts.

**Oh well, ta ta for now! ~Con**

* * *

**Chapter 3 (Or Two with a Prologue?): The Second Sue**

It was a weird sense of déjà vu, falling... again. Was it really considered déjà vu if it actually did happen before? Oh well, at least they weren't falling from such a high area this time. It was their fault for talking to each other when walking out of the portal and not noticing the frickin' cliff they walked off of, anyways. At least it didn't hurt that much...

"Hey, Parker?" Stacy called, getting up and dusting some dirt off of his uniform (And yellow and black tie, to which Parker made fun of the whole time. Stacy refused to acknowledge it.).

"Yeah?" She yelled back from a bit far away, but her voice was getting closer with each obnoxious step she took.

"What's the status of the mission?"

"I'm alive, thanks for asking."

"Sorry..."

"Whatever. Now that we have the uniforms everyone will think we're students. The Mary Sue rarely goes to class, nor does she get in trouble for failing to arrive. Actually, they usually only go to Defense or potions; Don't understand why, I mean, it's usually Umbridge who's annoying, or Snape who's just down right creepy teaching. So we don't have to check the classrooms, only outside."

'I wonder why they only go to Potions and Defense...'

They_ want to seem like the hero, duh. Usually the sues and stus end up changing them to be good guys. Even though Snape is a good guy... oh well, whatever. _Robert put in his share in the conversation.

"Then let's get going!" Stacy yelled, only to turn and run into his partner. "Oops. Didn't think you were that fast. Oh, by the way, for the love of Merlin don't KILL anyone so quickly!"

"But it was the perfect time! There were no witnesses that could have been sues!"

"That doesn't mean that you have to kill them right away!"

"We got the outfits, killed a sue and didn't get killed ourselves. I say it was a mission accomplished."

"Whatever, just... make sure that we're alone the next time we do our job."

Parker shrugged, but gave a tiny nod. They hug and left, Stacy telling her to go to Gryffindor Tower and try to find the sue. Parker chuckled, telling him he shouldn't bother because no sue would be a 'Puff.

...

As Parker walked up the Gryffindor tower, she got hit by a Dungbomb. She turned around to look at two older students, identical, with red hair and a certain poltergeist trying to look innocent. It didn't work, since the three of them were smirking uncontrollably, as well as trying to stop laughing. Not to forget that one of the twins' hands were dirty.

"Weasleys." she spat out angrily. "Is there a reason you threw a dungbomb at me?"They looked at her face, confused. Maybe it was the fact that she had short red hair and was wearing trousers instead of a skirt...

"We thought you were our brother." The one on the left said.

"Our apologies,"

"I'm Fred, and,"

"That's George." By this time, Peeves had flown away cackling and they twins were pointing at each other. They also decided to confused Parker more by talking in unison afterward.

"Sixth year Gryffindors, at your service." They both bowed, and Parker grinned. If they were two years above the Boy-Who-Lived, it was forth year: The Goblet of Fire. That means that there are probably five cha-

"We haven't seen you around before."

"Are you sure you're a Gryffindor?"

"I am," Parker began her lie. "My brother and I got extremely sick over summer, and we only arrived last night. I'm Parker Smith, fourth year. Gryffindor."

"Oh, well then! You missed a lot, since it's November."

"Filch still hates a bunch of stuff."

"Including us. Professor Moody,"

"That's Alastor 'Mad-Eye' Moody, the Auror,"

"Is the new professor for Defense."

"And we have the Tri-wizard tournament!"

"So Beauxbatons and Durmstrang boys and girls are here."

"All the pretty boys are from Beauxbatons."

"And the first task is in three days."

"November twen-ty fourth." Parker was a bit confused from all the switching around, but she gathered enough information: It's fourth year, and November twenty first. She nodded carefully, still a bit puzzled.

"Who are the three champions?" At this time, the two's mood darkened visibly. They seemed sad and angry at the same time, a look Parker never remembered seeing...er, reading on the two.

"We have five this year."

"One from Beauxbatons,"

"One from Durmstrang,"

"And three,"

"From Hogwarts. Cedric Diggory, the Hufflepuff," -Parker made a mental note to tell Stacy that- "is the first, _legal, _one."

"Then there's Harry Potter, the chosen boy!" Their mood seemed to brighten up at saying his name, most probably proud of him.

"And I'm the third one!" A girl called from behind, and the boys jumped. It was obvious enough that they were too fun and smart to fall under her Sue spell. "I'm Rose Ebony Giselle Black-Lupin!" That explains the stunning black hair and blue eyes (One thing that Parker hated was the fact that everyone thought that Sirius Black had blue eyes. They're grey, damn it!), and the- WAIT. WHAT. Parker had to hold back a gag. Or was it a burp?

"Black-Lupin?" she asked cautiously, frowning.

"Yeah! I'm the daughter of Celina Black and Remus Lupin! I'm a werewolf, but since I was born one I can control whenever I change, and since I can control it everyone treats me normally!"

The twins were making fake puking faces from behind her, and Parker frowned. When sues mess with werewolves, they're screwed. When they make a pureblood, even an original pureblood, not a maniac or a mudblood-hater, they're even more screwed. So this thing is DEAD. And she had the perfect plan to kill her.

...

"-and then we just call Eragon and his badass dragon, and she kills the sue! And if Mary somehow survives, I bring out the flamethrower."

"Isn't the flame thrower mechanical?"

"Yeah, so?"

"Electronics get screwed up with the magic, remember?"

"Dang it."

...

"I sent a message to Eragon, he's too busy saving the world. So I talked to the Dovaahkin, and he's too busy destroying his world. So it's plan two, flame thrower!"

"Can't we just have Fred and George distract everyone, and we shoot her with the Killing Curse?"

"That's plan C, dude."

...

It was November twenty fourth, the day of the First Task: Dragons. Harry had gone, as amazing as ever, and now it was time for the Mary to go. Neither Parker nor Stacy had seen that kind of dragon before, but it was HUGE. And dangerous. And it just 'happened' to break out of it's chains. There weren't even any chains on it in the book, where did the... oh. The movies. Haha, oops.

What surprised them the most was that the sue started to talk. Talk. TALK. **TALK **TO THE DRAGON. NO! That's Adam's job in his world, idiot! When Mary started to sing, Stacy yelled "Screw this," and shot the killing curse at her out of his wand (1). A portal appeared with a crack, much like the one from apparation, and they entered in it, laughing. Everyone failed to notice two cloaked men following quickly behind. As the portal was about to close, a wand came out and hit Neville Longbottom in the face; Stacy said it was because he wasn't supposed to be hot until the seventh book, but no one really understood what they were talking about.

...

Parker skipped down the portal hall, giggling and singing. Stacy was yelling internally at Robert.

'Why did you kill her?'

_Parker was going to puke and you're too much of a wimp to kill someone. Haven't you noticed that not even one Mary Sue was killed because of you? This is the first time you actually killed someone, and it wasn't even you!_

'Because it's rude to kill people!'

_She's not a person, she's a Mary Sue._

_'_Still!'

_Well, what's done is done. Come on, we have more sues to watch Parker kill._ _Those were only the easy ones._

**...**

**DONE! Mwuhahaha. I'm running out of ideas how to kill the sues, and I'm only on number seven. If you have any, they would be greatly appreciated. And also, was it too quick? Should I have explained the boringness that happened in between the twenty first and the twenty fourth? If I screwed up something really big really bad, please tell me.**

**1: Yes, we're screwing everything up and Robert is able to take control of his twin's body. And technically, Bob (Robert) is talking in Stacy's mind, so if he yells loud enough the outside world can hear it aswell. Stacy, Parker and Bob learned later that it wasn't Stacy's wand that shot the curse, but rather Neville Longbottom's. They shrugged it off, but when Neville was trying to get a job at a Professor they checked the past spells he used and found the killing curse. It wasn't until Draco Malfoy told them that Neville was too much of a girl to kill someone that they looked through his memories and found out a creepy boy shot the spell with his wand. Neville was able to become a professor, and had a brief bromance with Malfoy. It didn't result to anything, and they both eventually got married to some sexy ladies and had babies.**

**Not numbered: Eragon is a dragon rider. He has a badass dragon, but they're both heroes and have to save their world.**

**Adam/Dovaahkin: Dovaahkin is dragonborn. You know, dragony stuff. I actually haven't played and have only heard and read about Skyrim, so don't kill me if it's wrong.**

**Yeah. Ta ta for now~! ~Con**


	4. IV: The Third Sue

**Hello~! I'm sorry for the wait, I finally gained what I've been wanting for the past five thousand and ninety two years- A social life. I went to my sister's friend's bat mitzvah, because I'm friends with her friend's older sister. It was really fun, too. For the past week I had been figuring out what to do, since I've never been to a bat mitzvah. I'm not Jewish... Oh well, since you had to wait so long I'll shut up and let you enjoy~! By the way, Soul Eater references this time. I had to pick Stacy to be the weapon... you'll understand later.-Con**

They had been in this world for three days, and there was no sight of a Mary Sue. This was rather uncommon, and practically unheard of in the foundation; But considering that it was Parker and Stacy doing the mission, no one could really say that they didn't expect uncommon things to happen- the two were always in odd situations that no one else had ever gone through. It made them seem a bit Mary Sue themselves for still being alive, but most people skimmed it off as good partners and good luck. In those three days, they found out that they were in the sixth book and that Snape, for some reason, was a bit nicer to the Gryffindors; They had yet to find out why. Fred and George seemed to remember them from the different universes, so it was nice to pull a few pranks on the second day. Parkinson's hair was bright purple for three hours. Parker and Stacy were currently hiding in the stands, watching the Quidditch practice to take a break from the Sue hunting

"Dracy-poo! Where are you?" Laughter rang through the air, _American laughter,_ and the duo's Sue Radar went off internally. That voice was perfect, and it was obvious that their teeth were as well (To Parker, at least. Stacy never understood how his partner got that from just a voice...). A black haired girl ran into the Quidditch field, and somehow dragged the whole team down to meet her. Draco (Looking not freaked out about having to kill Dumbledore; Another reason why she was a sue.) went up and hugged her, smiling un-Draco like and they proceeded to make out with each other. Parker gagged, Stacy blushed and looked away, and the rest of the team seemed to have disappeared.

"I missed you, Draco!" the girl laughed, her black eyes _sparkling. _They sparkled more than Edward Cullen in the sun (Parker almost puked... again.). But... weren't they just kissing literally three seconds ago!? And they go to the same school, where would one of them have gone in the beginning of the school year for her to miss him so much?

_Really, Stacy?_

'Hey, Robert.' he thought back, confused at why he was being so rude to himself today.

_It's because you're so stupid! Who's been the most out of character in this world? And who has black hair and black eyes!? Merlin, Stacy, why are you such an idiot! _A lot of characters were out of it in this world, so he couldn't think on that part. Stacy frowned, trying to remember all the girls and boys with black hair and the same colored eyes.

**It's Snape, idiot! **a voice rang out through the air, pissed. Parker jumped and facepalmed herself, upset that she didn't figure that out before an alive-dead guy did. Okay, Snape was a dad and the daughter's hair wasn't greasy. Who was the mom?

"I missed you too, Lupin." Draco replied, smiling. Stacy looked to his partner, who was ready to burst. They messed with Lupin again! "How's your dad?"

"Remus is fine, I gave him the cure last week and he didn't transform!" And then they started to kiss ag- Woah. Woah, hold up. WHAT!? Meanwhile, in the stands, Parker was whisper ranting to her unfortunate bystander and male half of the duo.

"REMUS AND SEVERUS ARE THE DADS!? That's disgusting! They hate each other! Well, Snape hates Lupin, but whatever! Which one is the mom? Why is Remus not a werewolf anymore! There's no cure for lycanthropy! STACY ROBERTS LET GO OF ME! LET ME KILL THAT BITCH!" She screamed, being held by behind by Stacy. That sue was going to get it! It would learn what the taste of being defeated was! Why in the world were they American, too!?Neither Snape nor Remus were American! Parker began to take deep breaths, realizing her stupidity and childishness; Instead of threatening Stacy and the sue, she became much scarier and quieter.

"Stacy?"

"Yeah?" he replied cautiously, afraid for his life.

"Transform."

You see, to fit in during their Soul Eater killings, Stacy was transformed into a weapon; Parker was the meister, or the wielder. A weapon was a person that could turn into... well, a weapon. Unfortunately, Stacy was a plastic fork. A rather sharp and dangerous fork, but a plastic fork nonetheless. The boy didn't understand why she wanted him to transform, since a killing curse would be much easier. Maybe humiliation? In a flash of light, a fork was in Parker's hand and Stacy was no where to be seen.

She stealthy ran down to the field, tripping once but continuing. Parker could see the sue's back, and frowned. It was cowardly to attack without first meeting their opponent (They learned that from the samurais in a Japanese fanfiction...), so she put on a sueish face and skipped up to them, her hair flying awkwardly behind her. A few extremely loud coughs later, the two had stopped making out and were looking at the redhead.

"What do you want, blood traitor?" Hey, look! Just her presence made Draco go a bit back to- SHE WAS NOT A WEASLEY, DAMN HIM! Actually...

"Hello! I'm new here, my name's Parker Weasley!" she said in a high pitched voice, waving with the hand not holding the fork. The sue smiled and waved back.

"I'm Serena Ebony Lily Lupin-Snape, it's nice to meet you!" Okay, Parker. You got her name, now KILL HER.

'But that face... it's like a perfect blend of Lupin and Snape...' the other side of her brain fought back, falling for the cuteness.

'Exactly! Male pregnancy? Disgusting! Kill her now!' Parker agreed internally, and lifted the fork to stab her in the heart. The sue was quicker, however, and took out her wand, holding it to block the eating utensil. Stacy yelped from his position as the fork, and Parker quickly took it back and aimed lower.

It was blocked again, and that bitch knew wandless, non-verbal magic. The fork fell around half a mile behind Parker, and the girl fell to the ground with a thud, ripping her trousers at the knee

"Stacy!" she cried out, getting up. Before she could get to her partner, the sue yelled out 'Sectumsempra!' and Parker had to get out of the way to not get cut in half. She went left and turned around, shooting a killing curse. It just barely missed Draco (Her accuracy was usually a one time thing...), and would have hit him if the sue didn't pull him out of the way. Parker grinned, knowing exactly how to win.

"Stupefy!" she yelled, aiming towards Draco. The sue ran to protect him, but it was too late as Parker shot a killing curse at Serena, and the girl dropped dead. Draco was knocked out, but he wasn't killed, so her job was done. Parker was about to summon a portal when she remembered her partner in crime... why wasn't he transformed back already? Why didn't Stacy help her during the fight in the first place? Thinking the worst, Parker ran to where she thought the fork was.

She let out a breath she didn't know was held when a fork bottom was standing up. He had just gotten stuck in the dirt, that was great. Parker bent down and pulled on the fork, but it came out too easily. Like it wasn't even in the ground at all...

"NO!" she yelled, seeing only the bottom half of the fork. Did the fall break him? He was plastic, and Parker didn't know how hard you had to throw it to break plastic. She looked around frantically, trying to find the top half. A moan came from her right, and the light reflected on the fork to show the face of a bloodied up and dirty Stacy. Parker let out a cry of relief and picked it up, only to drop it when it yelled in pain.

"Sorry, Stacy. Let's get you back to the Foundation and patch you up, yeah?" He nodded inside the fork, and once again was picked up. The three (Two pieces of Stacy and one Parker) went through a portal quickly and quietly, unsure of what was to follow.

...

Parker paced around the waiting room, checking her watch every now and then. Why was it taking so long? I mean, sure, he was broken in half and most probably they have to stitch the bottom and top together, but why was it taking FOREVER!?

"Ms. Smith?" the nurse called from the hallway, and Parker looked up. "The doctor said that if you're quiet and gentle, you can see Mr. Robe-Woah!" the nurse fell down as the redhead pushed through to get to the door. It slammed open and Stacy smiled from his position on the hospital bed. He was hooked up to... things (Parker never took any medical classes, so it was all contraptions to her.) and laying on a bed placed at a forty five degree angle.

"You're okay! Oh my gosh, I'm so stupid, I'm so sorry Stacy! I should have checked on you first instead of fighting with the sue!" she rambled on, apologizing in as many different sentence structures as possible. Stacy waited patiently for her to finish, but didn't expect the girl to break down crying at the foot of his bed.

"Parker, really. It's fine. What type of a partner would I be if I let being broken as a fork kill me?" he joked, and Parker let out a sad laugh. "Hey. Parker, come here."

Stacy lifted his shirt to show a large stitch circling his waist, and gave a creepy smile. "You wanna know how I got these scars?" The two laughed loudly, but Stacy groaned after a few seconds. "It still hurts to laugh a bit. You shouldn't be here, you make too many jokes."

"No! I won't! I promise, let me stay! I'll be as boring as you want me to, just let me stay! Pllleeeeaaaasssseeeee!" she begged, going onto the ground and on her knees. Stacy pretended to look like he was considering the options, then broke out into a bright smile and nodded. The two were about to go into another fit of giggles, but a knock at the door stopped them. In walked their boss and a green haired boy, both looking rather sad.

"Mr. Smith-"

"It's Ms. Smith, sir..." Stacy corrected automatically.

"Ms. Smith, could I talk to you outside?"

...

**DUN DUN DUNNNN! Yeah... I'm working on cliffhangers. I don't think I really did that well... Anyways, what's going to happen to Parker and Stacy? Who's the green haired boy!? Why do I sound like that voice after a reality show? Find out next time on the story I really don't feel like writing the name of! Ta ta~! ~Con**


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